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Sometimes I Wonder
By Troy T. N. Ramcharitar

Sometimes I wonder about my existence...our existence, how is it those
of us that truly believe and live life in a way exemplary of truth and
goodwill seldom seem to make it? Is it that I am missing something? or
is it that we put too much effort on the
if...but...how...where...when...who...why, that we fail in being the
now? I look around, and it appears to be that all is happy...is it only
me that feels this way? or is it all a facade?. What about me? Dam
it! Why the pain? the constant suffering?, the melancholy
offering?...What is it I ask?...What is it I am missing? Tell...tell me
someone. When will I get my break? My time in the sun, only for some
fun. Must I commit myself to a life of sin...will that do it for me? Or
should I believe? Believe that a better tomorrow will soon arrive.
What if that tomorrow never arrives? or better yet, what if that
tomorrow is our today? Why the hell should I even care? and what is
stopping me from putting that gun to my head? Do I really live? Do I?
What is this dam life? a confusion of the mind, or brainwashing the
mind. Which is it? you make the call. What is right and what is wrong?
Who decides? and who made you the judgment call? Why the hell does
any of it matter? and who the hell cares? Should I? should you? They
say live in peace and stay in love, but with the same breath...they say
kill, and let kill, and be killed...and so it shall be done. That's
life! Sometimes I feel tired...tired off all the games, the love games,
the hate games, the good games, the bad games, the war games, the money
games and society and their games too. Who made them the hallmark of
life and existence? Are we free or shackled by society frail attempt at
slavery dictating to me and you our tomorrow, our destiny...hell! I
want my today. Who gives a shit about their opinion? I will eat with
my fingers and dance to the rhythm of my own dam drum beat. I am me,
strong in my own opinion. No one will tell me color does not matter. I
am not ignorant, nor are you? They would like to think that of me and
you. Pride in achievement today, tomorrow send them away. I say look at
me! Yes!..look, take a dam good look, what you see is yourself. My
reflection is your reflection. What is understood, the journey in
reality is all the same. In this mystery there is no shame. King, Queen,
Prince, Lawyer, Doctor, Teacher, Nurse, Student, beggar, black, White,
Brown, Yellow...it does not matter we are all the same. Believe it!
suck it up. You and I are one, in separable to the end and beyond. This
is life...my existence, not yours, but mine. Sometimes I feel...

A work in progress...feedback please

To be continued: